Posts tagged ‘misconceptions’

September 7, 2008

She rocks about as hard as Celine Dion

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April 27, 2008

“Average Asian”

Haha, someone else who knows how I feel sometimes.

August 22, 2007

An Asian-American perspective of Affirmative Action

From “Model Minority”:

Asian American status in affirmative action

Because of their high degree of success as a group, Asian Americans do not benefit from affirmative action policies the way other minority groups do. In fact, most schools routinely choose lower-scoring applicants from other racial groups, including European Americans, over Asian Americans, in an attempt to promote racial diversity and to maintain some proportion to the society’s racial demographics. [11]
A 2005 Princeton study showed Asians (not whites) bear nearly 80% of the cost of affirmative action in college admissions. Nearly four out of every five spots given to any other race in an affirmative-action regime would go to Asians in a purely merit-based system. 1


From “Affirmative Action Bake Sale”:

Asians not counted as minorities

Asians are generally not included in the minority-discount category in bake-sales because they do not benefit from affirmative action policies. For example, some schools have had restrictions on the proportion of Asian students admitted, in favor of lower scoring students of other racial groups.1 African-American Dr. Walter E. Williams, a libertarian professor of economics at George Mason University further elaborates that:

“A minority group is not (counted as) a minority if, as a group, it is successful. Asian median family income is $55,525, the highest of any racial group in America. More than 44 percent of Asians age 25 and over have bachelor’s degrees; the rate for all other Americans was 26 percent. Other indicators of group success include low crime rate and high family stability.” [1]

From “Affirmative Action in the United States”:

Libertarian view

Some free market libertarians argue that employment discrimination is only made possible by pervasive market failures. Under a regime of highly competitive labor and goods markets, companies would not be able to afford to hire on any basis other than merit. According to Libertarians, this would render affirmative action unnecessary.
Regardless of the willingness to pay and profitability for private persons or groups to discriminate, other libertarian-oriented persons further argue that affirmative action and non-discrimination policies violate individual rights of freedom of association and the enforcement of such statues violate individual freedom of speech. They argue that such central authority to dictate moral and social improvement is a power that will be fought over on all sides and ultimately cause more harm than good. For example, private female-only gyms have been forced to hire male workers, American colleges have discriminated against Asian students (on the grounds that they are “overrepresented”), and in Washington DC, individuals have been forbidden to advertise that they wish to share an apartment with another Democrat, homosexual, or with someone of similar faith. They conclude that application of affirmative action and anti-discrimination laws to the conduct or property of an individual or a private group is a threat to civil liberties.[20]

Centrist view

Certain people have a different point of view about specifically first world affirmative action which, for lack of a better word, will be referred to as “centrist” here. They claim that affirmative action makes sense, but only to the point where it helps the disadvantaged members of minorities, as opposed to the middle and upper class. They believe that affirmative action, as it is now, is not fulfilling its original purpose (to bring minorities out of poverty) as the vast majority of minorities, in the first world at least, are already middle-class. There have been cases of middle-class minorities receiving better jobs or college acceptance rates than whites of equal or lower income or social standing. According to this point of view, affirmative action should be eliminated and joined with the normal welfare system that helps both whites and blacks that are lower-class. They believe that affirmative action should only be used to bring the lower class, not a specific racial group, out of poverty. This view is particularly associated with the liberal academic and author Walter Benn Michaels. [21]


Why am I posting this? Well, with going back to school next week and hearing a discussion about affirmative action on The Ed Norris Show right now, this is a side to the debate that I do not hear people talk about!
When I first moved from Dayton, OH to Baltimore, MD in the mid-nineties, my parents had to fill out some paperwork to transfer me to the school system here. They did it all and I had nothing to do with it. I remember when they were done, they had a talk with me. They said an issue came up that hadn’t been talked about when we lived in Ohio. They didn’t know what to put down for me under the Race Category. Should they put down Asian, Caucasian, or Other? (There was no choice to put down more than one or specifically what you are if you’re multi-racial). The school counselor strongly urged them to put down Asian because this would stay on my records for years and this would supposedly help me greatly as far as getting into college. The counselor also told them to tell me I should always put down Asian on my applications to colleges in the future, so that I would have an easier time being accepted. I was slightly surprised at this because I had rarely (if ever) even heard about affirmative action until that day. I would have put down Asian regardless of all this, but now I was told this was my only choice. I just said that was fine and that was the end of it. It was done.
Fast forward a few years to my senior year of high school. I was in a class and we were having a heated debate about affirmative action. I was the first non-Caucasian person to raise my hand. When the teacher called on me to discuss this, there were these comments from classmates that went: “Of course, you like affirmative action. You benefit from it.” This was before I started talking. Then I told them something that surprised them. I said that I thought being Asian-American actually hurt my chances of getting into college more than if I were any other race. I told them the reasons I felt this way (the reasons that are stated above) and almost everyone told me I was crazy. At the time, I didn’t have the facts and figures to back up my claim. I hadn’t even heard anyone else state they thought this was true and I had certainly never read an article on this. My teacher, on the other hand, agreed with me fully! And this teacher almost never said what his opinion was on any topics. He usually stayed neutral. But he let the class know he thought I was right in this matter. He said he had known this for years. He said he knew college professors who had told him this was true. He knew Asian-American students in the past who should have been accepted to colleges but were rejected, while students of other races (including Caucasians) were accepted to those same schools and programs during the same time even though they were much less qualified.
Of course, I am not trying to re-enforce the stereotype that all Asians study hard and get good grades. Yes, I was always a good student who was on the Honor Roll/Dean’s List and took higher-level classes (Honors, Gifted/Talented, Advanced Placement, etc). But I have been told for years that for an Asian,  I’m not that studious. (Of course, that is an annoying statement). I don’t excel at math! I don’t stay at home every weekend to study – I have a social life. And this describes a lot of other Asian-Americans, not just me.
But the fact of the matter is, as a whole, we get high scores. I have heard jokes from friends that they hardly see Asians in Baltimore, but when they go into their college library, they see the most they’ve seen in their lives. (Meaning there is a much higher percentage of Asians in college than there are Asians in the general population).
I’m not saying we’re a smarter race. I’m just pointing out facts here. I think a big part of it has not only to do with the fact that standards in schools are higher in many other countries outside of North America, but also that a select population comes to this country from Asia. Think about it. It’s a lot harder for someone from Asia to move to this country than it would be for someone who lives in a neighboring country. Driving here is a lot easier and cheaper than flying here. The languages are a lot different from English than Spanish vs. English or Italian vs. English.  This makes it a lot harder to learn the language. (I know not all Asians are immigrants. There are some who have been here for years and are second, third, etc. generation. But you get my point). So you’re not going to get as many Asians coming to this country as you would of people from counties which are closer. You’re going to get those who really want to come here and work hard to do so. You’re going to be more likely to get the “top” people of their communities because they are the ones who have a strong work ethic and a drive to succeed.
Here’s my point. Asian-Americans are discriminated just as much, if not more, as other “minorities” do right now. We have been treated unfairly in this nation’s past. Sure, most public schools do not teach this. They talk about how African-Americans or Jewish people have had it hard, but they usually skip all the stuff that happened to Asians (and other groups). But just because they don’t teach it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen! If you don’t know, look it up. I’m not going to say that we had it as bad as slavery, but there were some major injustices. We were segregated. Most people I talk to aren’t even aware of the internment camps, which happened as recently as the 1940s! This wasn’t talked about in school. We celebrate Black History Month, but do any of you know when Asian Pacific American Heritage month is? Did you even know it existed at all? Because I didn’t until I was curious and looked it up on the internet about ten years ago. The ch word or the g word is spoken on television but the n word or the k word are almost always bleeped out. I could go on and on about discrimination of Asian-Americans (and I probably will in a future post), but the point is this: Affirmative Action was put into place to help “even out” the injustices of discrimination. But this hurts us and if you believe in affirmative action, I would think you would agree we have been discrimated against and therefore should benefit from this. Right? I am making sense here?
I believe if we are going to keep Affirmative Action, things need to change. Not only because of the Asian-American issues. But it seems like some of the wrong people are benefiting from affirmative action. I hear reports about how many privileged, African-American students from well-off families (who don’t  need as much assistance) will be able to use this to their advantage while poorer, under-privileged African-American students who are much more disadvantaged are turned away even though they are intelligent, hard-working, and well-achieving students. This has been said about other minority groups. So who are we really helping? We might be hurting people more than we are helping certain others.
We can have the debate whether or not affirmative action should exist at all. But that’s another discussion. If it is going to exist, it needs to adapt to the changes of society. Rules about other things change based on changes in the world and changes in time and affirmative action should also be adjusted accordingly. Just exactly how should we change things? That’s a complicated matter that doesn’t have a simple solution. All I do know for sure is that something does need to be improved.

August 7, 2007

Punk oxymorons

“Punk modeling”, “punk princess”, and “punk hair extensions” are oxymorons. That is all. Class dismissed.

July 26, 2007

I had to turn off America’s Next Top Model Cycle 7

Last night on The CW network, they had an America’s Next Top Model marathon. They were showing some episodes from Cycle 7. I saw part of two episodes and I had to turn it off. I was getting so disgusted! The show is flawed for various reasons. I won’t get into that right now. The thing that got to me was several people on the show criticizing Anchal Joseph. They said she needed to lose weight. Not only did the other contestants say that but one of the guest stars did. I believe she was an agent from Elite Modeling Agency. (I forget which agency it was, but it was someone from a big modeling agency). 

I like Tyra Banks and all. But I just couldn’t keep watching that crap. Even Tyra said on her talk show what is considered thin has gotten stricter than back when she started modeling. She said that if right now she was the same age as when she started modeling and tried to start doing it today, that she would be considered too curvy and therefore rejected. She said that she wouldn’t have been asked to be a Victoria’s Secret model normally but because she started in the 90s and already had built a huge name and fanbase for herself, they asked her. And I believe she’s right. Look at all the younger models they have now.  

Here are some pictures of Anchal:
  
Seriously – this is considered fat?! I know modeling has different standards, but GOOD G-D! Why is she “fat”? Because she has breasts and hips?

Not only do I think her body is not fat, I think she has a gorgeous face. I wish I could find more photos of her. They showed her on an episode wearing this green eye shadow that looked beautiful against her skin tone. I would like to see more Indians and Indian-Americans represented in the media! But anyone who knows me realizes I wish there was more of a variety represented out there.

I’m sure people have talked about this when that season of ANTM came out in the fall of 2006. But I had to mention what happened to her because I really didn’t like it.

July 18, 2007

L.A.M.E. – Gwen Stefani sues.

Taken from: http://omg.yahoo.com/gwen-stefani-sues-forever-21-over-fashion-logo/news/1052

(CLICK HERE to view the lawsuit against Forever 21)

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (July 17, 2007) — It appears Gwen Stefani doesn’t “Heart” Forever 21.

Gwen’s Harajuku Lovers fashion line is suing popular retail outlet Forever 21 for trademark infringement, claiming the clothing chain allegedly stole designs from the Harajuku Lovers line, Access Hollywood has learned.

In papers filed in Los Angeles Federal Court, reps for Gwen’s Harajuku Lovers claim Forever 21 is marketing, promoting and selling products featuring a design “virtually indistinguishable” from Harajuku’s signature heart/box logo.

The lawsuit claims Forever 21 “changed a couple of words in the Heart/Box Trademark, which are inconspicuous and likely to go unnoticed by a consumer.”

Specifically, the lawsuit claims Forever 21 used the design but changed the word “Harajuku” to “Forever” and the word “Lovers” to “Love.”

As a result of the chain using a similar image, Harajuku has allegedly “suffered and continues to suffer damage to its business reputation.”

Gwen launched the accessory line in 2005 to coincide with her Harajuku Lovers Tour.

 


Here’s what I think:
1). How about Asians and Asian-Americans sue Gwen for defamation of character? Those stereotypical, “Harajuku” girls are a disgrace, a minstrel show, and just plain horrible. She practically has them made up in Yellow Face. (Don’t tell me “Well, they are getting paid well to do this”. Prostitutes are also getting paid, but that doesn’t make it right. Maybe if Asians had more fair opportunities in the entertainment industry, they wouldn’t feel the need to do this). I could go on and on about this topic. But many others have done so far me already: 
Margaret Cho’s Blog Entry 
Several entries about the this on Disgrasian (Disgrasian’s Myspace profile lists her as the worst offender).
Salon.com article
The Gwen Stefani Rant! – Livejournal entry (Yes – Caucasians from Europe are upset about this, too!) 
Free The Gwenihana Four 
There are many other articles, blogs, and sites regarding this issue, but you get the point. 

2). Gwen is guilty of ripping off others, making this hypocritical. 

Sure, many if not most celebrities have copied something from others, but Gwen is worse than most. When I first heard No Doubt, the first thing I thought about Gwen’s voice was “Oh great, another female ska singer who tries to sing just like that. Boring!”.  

Her clothing, accessories, and make-up is just generic copying of cultures: 
-She stole generic trends from subcultures: She normally dresses like your typical teenaged alternative culture chick (punk/rude girl/goth/raver/freak/etc) who hangs out at the mall or at show. Yes, we dressed like this before No Doubt’s “Tragic Kingdom” came out. To most of the mainstream culture unaware of the alternative scene, Gwen was original and some even thought she invented this style. The truth is, a lot of this was already out of style and overdone in the subculture, and Gwen re-hashing it a couple years later was just a joke to us. Even in middle school, I thought Gwen’s style was equivalent to when Seventeen magazine put out articles/pictures about “How to dress like a rock chick”.  Her style is not very original and it’s watered-down.
-She has stolen from Jamaicans, African-Americans, Latinos, and Asians. (See the article above “The Gwen Stefani Rant!” for some evidence of this if you don’t remember or just plain didn’t notice this before). 
-At red carpet events, she wears very typical 1940’s fashion or complete Marilyn Monroe rip offs. This is much of what the L.A.M.B. (L.A.M.E.) line has. Wal-Mart and cheap mall stores (such as Rave, Divah, and Forever 21) have been selling basically the same things as L.A.M.B for years and for much cheaper.
-Her Harajuku Lovers line of clothing is a bad rip-off of clothing and accessories that already exist in Japan! She does a bad job of just copying off styles that already exist – either clothing sold in stores in Japan or looks that real Harajuku girls created themselves. Calling her dancers “Harajuku” girls is an insult to the real ones. 

Yes, I realize she’s not the only fashion designer or singer to steal things from others. But don’t sue a company for doing the same thing when you are guilty of it, too. Gwen most likely would never admit that she steals ideas.
 At least Forever 21 is known for being a cheap place to buy knock-offs. Which brings me to my next point…

3). Almost every designer gets their ideas stolen.

We could discuss whether or not it is right to sell knock-offs at an affordable price so that the less wealthy can afford the clothing. And we could discuss whether or not the designs were even stolen from her clothing line since the designs already existed before she created her line.  
But let’s just pretend that she did create completely original designs. How often do you  hear about real, reputable, respected high fashion designers suing? You rarely, if ever, hear about them doing this. So why is Gwen – not a reputable or highly respected designer – doing it?

Miranda (Meryl Streep) from “The Devil Wears Prada” explains it like this:
“This… ’stuff’? Oh… ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don’t know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don’t know is that that sweater is not just blue, it’s not turquoise, it’s not lapis, it’s actually cerulean. You’re also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar De La Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn’t it, who showed cerulean military jackets? And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of 8 different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic casual corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it’s sort of comical how you think that you’ve made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you’re wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.”

A cheap-looking tank top that I’ve basically seen being sold at Divah, Rave, and Forever 21 four years ago is being sold  by L.A.M.B. for 138.75. Pathetic.

Maybe if Gwen was ever an actual rude girl or punk in the first place, she would not only be more original, she would sell her clothing more affordably. Then again, she did grow up a rich, spoiled girl  from Orange County and only ever joined a band because her brother, Eric, started the band and wrote most of the lyrics before leaving the band.

 

April 17, 2007

VA Tech

Original entry and comments: http://cherryteresa.greatestjournal.com/2007/04/17/

My hearts go out to the students, faculty, staff, and the friends of family of the victims of the Virgina Tech tragedy. I know there have been colleges/universities with school shootings in the past, but to me it is more surprising when it happens at a college rather than a high school, middle school, or even elementary school. The reason is that the students generally want to be in college but people in high school and under have no choice. So if they hate it, they’re pretty much stuck unless they can somehow transfer. But of course, the shootings can happen anywhere as people with mental and emotional problems can occur anywhere and of any age, class, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.

I don’t want to sound paranoid and I don’t want to make this tragedy into something else, but I just can’t help but feel the way I do. I am worried that because the killer has been identified as a 23 year-old student originally from South Korea that there will be added racism to Koreans, Korean-Americans and even Asians and Asian-Americans who aren’t Korean. I hope that I am wrong about this. But based on how Koreans are treated as it is and based on how people have reacted to tragedies in the past, this is a real possibility. Some people I know don’t think there is much racism out there for anyone other than African-Americans or Jews. They have no idea. Just a couple weeks ago while I was driving home from work, another driver yelled out the window out to me “You g–k b–ch!” My mother works at the post office and it is not uncommon for customers to say racist things to her to her face. (Telling her to go back to her own country – even though she is a U.S. citizen, asking “can someone White help me?”, are just examples of what people have actually said to her). I constantly hear “jokes” about Asians (and Hispanics) from people who never tell jokes about Black or Jewish people. The n word and k word are bleeped out on non-cable tv while the g word and the ch word usually aren’t. I have had people call me a terrorist, even though I was born here and even if I wasn’t, my family is South Korean. Kim Jong-Il is from North Korea. They are two separate countries for a reason! Even if I were from North Korea, chances are I wouldn’t be a terrorist. Most of the citizens aren’t terrorists and if I had actually went through all the trouble and the huge possibility of death to actually come to America, that would mean that I didn’t like North Korea. (Although it is almost impossible to escape N. Korea to come to America).

There are many other misconceptions and stereotypes of Koreans, but that’s another subject altogether. You take the racism that already exists and look at the way people have reated to tragedies such as Columbine and 9-11, and it makes it almost scary for me to be a Korean-American right now. I was in high school during Columbine. Many people who wore black clothing or kept to themselves were labeled as school shooters. Many schools around the country even suspended students for simply the way they dressed and some schools to this day have ridiculously strict dress codes or mandatory uniforms (these are public schools) because of Columbine. The fact remains that most people who dress “artistically” and listen to a certain type of music don’t go around shooting people. I’d dare to say most are actually anti-gun or at the very least believe in gun control. More “average Joes” have been the killers in school/college shootings but no one points that out. And of course, after 9-11 and to this day, Muslims and basically anyone with dark skin who doesn’t look Black, Hispanic, or Latino are harassed and labelled as terrorists. The overwhelming majority of Muslims do not agree with what happened that day and their actions were actually against the Muslim religion. Saying that the terrorists were Muslim and represent the Muslim religion is like saying David Korresh (or however you spell his name) accurately represented Christians. It just isn’t true. This fact is pointed out constantly by many people. Even George w. Bush points this out. Yet people still have a hatred towards all Muslims, not just the ones who are terrorists. Do these people forget that those “Muslims” actually hate the Muslim-Americans. Do people not realize that Muslim-Americans also died in 9-11? It’s something that’s been brought up since 2001, but is still worth mentioning since many people still continue to be prejudice.

There are very few well-known Koreans in American culture. This is something that has always bothered me. Now that there is someone “famous”, it is for something extremely negative. Unfortunately, many people rely too much on media. I’m afraid that Koreans will now be stereo-typed as loners who can snap at any time. I also hope this won’t make people think that we “shouldn’t allow foreigners” in here anymore. What would piss me off if that happens is those same people would use the tragedy to not allow others in, but not see it as a reason for gun control. I’m not going to say that American culture is necessarily the reason why the tragedy happened. But I do want it to be known it’s not Korean culture either. The shooter lived in this country for 14 years, since he was 8 years old. Private ownership of guns is banned in South Korea and there are no known school shootings in the country. I’m worried these facts will be overlooked. Also, a South Korean student was injured. That will probably also be overlooked.

I really hope that I am wrong about this but history has a tendency to repeat itself. I really hope this horrible tragedy of lives lost and people injured does not turn into another tragedy of harassment and racism.

I know I am not the only one who’s worried as I’ve read reports today that South Korean and Korean-Americans on the Virginia Tech campus have gathered in groups because they are scared about how dangerous it could be for them right now. Imagine how vulnerable and unsafe all the students must feel after a shooter. Now imagine adding to that the fear of what others may do because of your race or nationality.

April 16, 2007

Lady Sovereign is not 8 years old

Original entry and comments: http://cherryteresa.greatestjournal.com/2007/04/16

I don’t have MTV. So I sometimes have to rely on other people’s descriptions of popular culture beyond the songs themselves. People will explain some dance move in a music video or an interview on TRL. The thing is, you can’t always count on people’s descriptions.

For some reason, several people have told me that Lady Sovereign is an 8 year old black girl from England. I found out a few months ago that isn’t the case. She’s a chav in her twenties that looks like a yo’d out version of Sporty Spice. When I’ve told a few people this, they argued with me. They swore up and down that she’s a little black girl. Maybe someone fitting that description guest starred on a song or something, but all you have to do to see that I’m right is do an internet search or just look her up on Wikipedia. Or… GO TO HER WEBSITE. Geez. Why would I make this up? Love me or hate me, I am telling you the truth.

I think people don’t want to believe this because they won’t like her anymore. I don’t hold the belief that “white people shouldn’t rap.”. I believe that if you have the talent, ability, personality, presence, etc. you can rap regardless of your skin color. But the fact that she sounds like a little girl but really isn’t might change people’s opinions. Not only does her voice sound like a child’s but her rapping style and lyrics do, too. A little kid can get away with a lot more than an adult.

January 25, 2007

Talking Head club in Baltimore closing down

Original entry: http://cherryteresa.greatestjournal.com/2007/01/25/

http://www.citypaper.com/news/story.asp?id=13181

I knew the Talking Head was closed. But I heard different stories other than what’s in this City Paper article. I heard most often that it was being torn down to build apartments. Some people said the city forced the owner to shut it down to build the apartments. Other people said that he was offered a bunch of money to close it down so that another company could turn it into apartments and charge high rent.

It just goes to show how you never really know what’s going on for sure.

September 26, 2006

What I’ve been up to lately…

Original entry and comments: http://cherryteresa.greatestjournal.com/2006/09/26/

Well, surprisingly some people actually still check this journal to see if I update it. Due to some personal issues, I don’t have the internet at my apartment for the time being and haven’t for the past few months. But I do have internet access elsewhere so I will still update this from time to time. Just not as much as before. Thanks to those who do actually take the time to read my blog! 🙂

Let me just take a minute to answer some questions I’ve been getting a lot from people to clear some things up.

First of all, my health much better. I’m still not completely well and according to my doctors I probably won’t ever be well until I hit menopause – then I will have a whole host of other issues, of course! But compared to how I was before my second surgery, I feel like a million bucks. Now if only I could feel like I used to a couple years ago before all of this got really bad, I’d feel like a billion bucks. But you know, I shouldn’t complain because there are many people who have worse things they are going through. I just started being able to work again a couple months ago, which is something I couldn’t do before – not even a non-physical desk job. But now I can and I am and I feel like my life is starting to get back into a routine again.

My health still is up and down and at this point there is no way that I can commit to being in any type of serious band that plays out regularly, records, and all that good stuff. It’s just hard to predict how I’ll be feeling on a given day and I still have to go to pain management once a month along with other doctors every couple of months. The pain has only reduced it hasn’t gone away like I wish it would. It does break my heart that I am getting older and while time is slipping away, I can only stand back and be an observer. (Well, I’m not old. I’m turning 25 on October 25th, but these days I’m considered to have just a little bit of time left in the music business).

I really want to be out there in the music scene once again. And I feel soo weird just having a day job. Before this, I had a job with either: a band and/or a boyfriend and/or school and/or other commitments or lessons. But I just have a job now and that’s how a lot of people live their lives. And I’m not knocking those people but I don’t know how they do it! I have been so stressed out. Yes, that’s right – not having enough things to do makes me stress out. I can’t just sit still but I really have to for once in my life. For other people, this would be joyous and relaxing but not for me.
I’m so bored! Now I think I know why some people are so obsessed with being in a relationship and aren’t comfortable being single even for a minute. They end up with someone not so great because they think that’s better than being single, which isn’t good. But that’s a whole other story for another time…

As of a few weeks ago I’ve started going back out again and it feels great to see everyone again and see a lot of the bands in this area that I’ve grown to love. It has been weird just going to a show. With no flyers to hand out, no show dates to push on people, with no tickets to sell nor a CD to let people know about. You’d think that would feel great and relaxing. It is for the first few minutes. Just being able to: watch a band’s set, listen to their songs, and not worry about your own upcoming show. But when you see someone else out there promoting their band you just really miss your old life. At least that’s how it is for me.

And there is something else that happened that I don’t even like to admit. It makes me so sad! I had to sell my Yamaha S-80 and my Alesis amp. I didn’t want to, of course. It was either sell those or get evicted. If I got evicted, I’d end up having no place to put the keyboard anyway, so if I didn’t sell them I’d be homeless and and have no keyboard. So I had to sell it. With all the medical debt that I have now from being sick and on top of that not being able to work for about a year, it’s going to take me forever to save up enough money for a new keyboard. I still practice and write on my really crappy Kawaii keyboard. It’s better than nothing but it only has like three octaves, with voices that aren’t great, a bad feel to it, and I couldn’t ever use it to perform or even really jam out unless it was with acoustic instruments. I can’t hook it up to an amp (even if I still had an amp but I don’t even have that anymore!)

So basically to sum up the answers to the questions I’m getting a lot… Yes I’m a lot better but I’m still not “well”. And yes I’m still making music. I never quit. I was forced to be on a hiatus. I’m just not out there like I was before. But I hope and I am fighting to come back again when things get better. I have to get a lot better healthwise and if that happens then I still will be saving up to buy my equipment again. I just have to be patient. I am not a patient person so it’s going to be tough.

Please keep your emails coming. I love hearing from everyone.

Here is something random I found on a friend’s Myspace page.