Personality Disorder Test – I’ve improved

“I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that phase”. – Gnarls Barkley

Disorder Rating Information
Paranoid: Moderate click for info
Schizoid: Low click for info
Schizotypal: Moderate click for info
Antisocial: Low click for info
Borderline: Low click for info
Histrionic: Low click for info
Narcissistic: Low click for info
Avoidant: Low click for info
Dependent: Low click for info
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate click for info
Disorder Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Since livejournal was down, I decided to skim through some of my old deadjournal entries from a few years ago. I decided to re-take the test and see what the current results would be. Back then, I was in denial that I had OCD (actually I didn’t really know what it was because the few things that are shown about it in the media don’t apply to me). And my depression was bad.

Neither of these are 100% accurate. But it does show that I’m doing much better as far as my mental health is concerned. I’m not perfect and I never will be in this lifetime. But at least I’m dealing with things better and improving myself.

“And when you’re out there without care, Yeah, I was out of touch. But it wasn’t because I didn’t know enough. I just knew too much. Does that make me crazy? Probably.”

17 Comments to “Personality Disorder Test – I’ve improved”

  1. Wow you seem pretty stable actually. Although I do understand if you had issues due to your family life.
    Why do you think you have OCD ?

  2. Psych Tests, I hate’em
    I believe we’re all a little crazy and we all got some issues. Then again, it’s these issues and crazy that makes artists great or that drives someone to do great things. A sane person would not take a non-violent approach against an Imperial Power (Gandhi) or step down from being next in line for royalty to eat with commoners and the poorest of the poor (Buddha aka Siddartha Gautama).
    I believe that all these psychological jargons were created for job securities for these people. Well, that’s my 2 cents anyways.

  3. Thanks.
    I think a lot of it has to do with genetics. I didn’t realize a lot of things when I was younger but looking back, I realize that my family has a lot of similar/same things.
    I have trichotillomania. My biological father has that, too. But I didn’t realize he did until a few years ago. I didn’t know it existed. I haven’t really lived with my dad since I was four. So I do think it was “nature”, not “nuture”. My brother had a problem with nail biting, which is supposedly a similar disorder. There are other OCD problems that I have, but most of them have to do with things in my head. So I don’t know whether or not my other family members have that because I’ve never talked to them about it.
    My father has very bad phobias. I have it to a certain extent but not as bad.
    My late great uncle had compulsive hoarding. He lived hundreds of miles away in the South, so I wasn’t raised by him, but I have something in common with him. He had the nickname of “Junkyard Ralph” because his whole trailer and the area behind it was filled with “junk”. I have this to a certain extent, but nowhere near as badly as he did. I am getting better with this but it’s been hard. And it’s something I have to consciously work on all the time. My mom (who raised me along with my step father) is actually the opposite. She is anally clean/orderly and throws things away probably too much. She has accidentally thrown away valuable/important things.
    Other mental issues I have are a mix of nature, nuture, and life events. There are things my family has that I have. There are others I don’t, or I have it but slightly different. My mom has manic-depression while I have depression. She has panic attacks and I had a big problem with them before. I also have anxiety disorder.
    I think some things like constantly worrying about money I both inherited and was “nutured” to be that way from my mother. She always brought up money and how stressful things were with that (even when I was a child) and I think that’s why I’m like that. Most of me thinks it’s just because I honestly am broke and since money makes the world go ’round, I would be like this no matter who raised me. And I think that my mom is worrying because that’s just natural. But part of me wonders if I worry too much or more than most people would if they were in my situation.
    When I started eating a lot healthier (natural and organic foods), I noticed that my depression improved dramatically. I would be suicidal every other week. I’m not exaggerating. I haven’t felt like that in more than a year *knock on wood*. And my life was a lot tougher, so I had more reason to be depressed, but I wasn’t. I had more to be happy about when I was depressed.
    The anxiety and ocd is definitely still there. I think it always will be but the key is just to be able to manage those.
    There are other issues I had/have that I haven’t listed, such as I used to cut myself. This goes along with the depression. I have scars on my arms from this from over ten years ago.
    What’s weird is when I started realizing that I had “disorders” and that my family also had them, I not only felt like I understood myself and them more, I also felt more connected to them. Strange, I know.

  4. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    Yes! I have been saying that for years: that the most talented, creative people are the craziest. Some people whose work I love, I don’t think I would want to be friends with, haha.
    I don’t think there is such a thing as normal, either. I think the key is being able to deal with your issues, not acting like you don’t have any issues.

  5. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    I think that maybe the reason why the craziest people are the most creative is because their brains work differently. They are able to see things or think about things in a different way because of that. Also, the things that happened to them to make them have problems is what gave them inspiration.
    This is one of the reasons why they say being talented is a blessing and a curse.
    There are other reasons, but that’s a whole other topic.

  6. One of my girlfriends used to cut. This is surprising because you seem so together. But I guess you know how to cope well. This is always a good thing.

  7. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    Some people whose work I love, I don’t think I would want to be friends with, haha.
    Like who ? Other than Courtney Love. LOL.
    I don’t know if I agree with this, I mean yeah some talented people are fucked up, but I wouldn’t call them crazy. Like there is this band that I like High On Fire and the guitarist/ Singer is a total burnout. But he doesn’t seem crazy. And a lot of visual artists are pretty sane.
    Not that I think I’m that talented ( cause there are a million guys as good as I am and better ) but other than some issues that I have to deal with I think I’m pretty sane.

  8. Luckily, I haven’t done that in years. But I would have my moments where I would come close and have to force myself not to do it.

  9. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    Definitely not ALL of them. But a lot.
    I think that as crazy as Courtney Love is, she’s actually better than most people in her situation would be. Considering the fact that her Dad worked with the Grateful Dead and fed her LSD as a CHILD… the fact that she is slightly autistic (something that most people don’t know), she never saw her dad after the whole custody battle/lsd thing and then her mother no longer loved her when she was a young child… then just gave her away… and started a new life with her new children without Courtney… that is so messed up. Her mom renamed her and took the name Love out of her name since she said the word love could no longer describe what came out of the union of herself and her father. Her mom resented Courtney’s father, so then she started resenting Courtney. She had new children with a new man and only loved them, not her. That is not right.
    No wonder why she started acting out after all this. Not only that but she had no real parents growing up. No one to guide her. I don’t want to even imagine how I would turn out if I had her life.
    Then her dad comes out years later criticizing Courtney. But he wasn’t a part of her life. He becomes money hungry and uses his child for his own needs. Horrible.

  10. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    Several of the people I’ve been in bands with had strong mental issues. They were the hardest to work with sometimes. But they were the ones that produced the most amazing music.
    Look at Van Gough. Kurt Cobain. Or Michael Jackson. That’s just naming a few. There are more.
    I’m not using the word crazy as a bad thing. I’m more trying to use it as an empowering word. Sort of like how some women now call themselves a bitch.
    Again, not EVERY talented person is crazy. I also know some ‘normal’ people who are fantastic at what they do.

  11. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    Wow I never knew that about her. That is pretty fucking sad actually.

  12. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    Actually you know my friend Mike was/is sort of crazy and annoying at times. But he is one talented artist. He also plays drums. I jammed with the kid once and he made me feel so bad for not being tight that I never played with him again.
    I didn’t think that kurt was crazy just overwhelmed and addicted.

  13. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    What sucks sometimes is… I don’t like how people in bands seem to get away with doing things. But if they were not in a band and did the same thing, people would give them a really hard time about it.
    Craziness can be what leads to addiction. But people forget/don’t realize that Kurt had a medical illness. He constantly had severe stomach pains. He’d seen doctors about this and nothing helped. Heroin is an opiate/pain killer. Shooting it is the most effective and fastest way to get it into your system and to help ease the pain.

  14. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    It is. Her life makes a very interesting story. But a tough life to live through.
    Her mom was adopted. But still abandoned her own child. Apparently, this happens a lot. Not every adoptee obviously, but still common enough.

  15. Re: Psych Tests, I hate’em
    I agree, believe it or not, lot of Korean people agree to this also.

  16. I think crazy is being misunderstood here!
    I guess this is a sign of politically correctinization of society. As Cherryteresa mentions crazy she is using the being out of the ordinary definition, not the mad or insane definition! I guess the English classes I got in HS (the 80’s) is different than the English classes from the 90’s LOL (we actually had to memorize all the definitions). As for mental illness, or craziness, can be similar to the chicken and egg question in the sense that did their genius or exceptional talent or perhaps their idealism lead them to the depression (“Mental illness) which led to physical pains and thus leading to use of drugs???
    So the question becomes, “Is mental illness the cause of their genius or is their genius the cause of their mental illness?”
    I’ve been depressed for many years also, because my father used to preach idealism and utopia and as I got older and saw that the world is nowhere close to the world that my father envisioned led me to depression, I didn’t cut myself, but I did become numb for a long time and I sought other ways to feel pain through the numbness I was feeling, even inviting death (parachuting, and other life risking activities) or weightlifting to the point where I would puke so that I know that I was alive and not just existing.

  17. Re: I think crazy is being misunderstood here!
    “weightlifting to the point where I would puke so that I know that I was alive and not just existing”
    a lot of people who cut themselves say they do it for that reason – feeling the pain let them know they were alive. i did it because it was better to release the pain physically. i would have rather felt the physical pain than the emotional pain back then.

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